I want to be clear about this, I’M NOT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT. The only PhD I have is being a smartass. This advice is from my perspective as a guy and what I’ve noticed when using apps such as Tinder or Plenty of Fish. You may have had a different experience than me, especially if you’re a woman. Alright, now that the yada yada is over, let’s get started:
The “slow responders” or “too busy to talk” bastards
Avoid these types like the plague. Trust me, I’ve tried being patient with these types but I end wasting my time. Always. In reality, these types are not truly ready for a relationship. Great communication is a MUST in any relationship and yet it feels like it’s too much to ask with the slow responders or I’m too busy to talk to people. I don’t know the exact reason why they waste your time, but you’ll always come second to them because their value and priority are somewhere else. If someone is truly interested then communication will never be a problem. How many times have you snuck in a text during work? Or talking away during lunch when your hot meal is sitting on the table getting cold? As I said, don’t waste your time and effort with these types. You’ll always be No. 2 in their eyes.
Ghosting
I’m not going to spend time telling you that ghosting is wrong. You and I both know it is. However, I understand the reasoning behind it because I do it too. I get wanting to avoid drama. I had this chick on Tinder explode after I told her that I wasn’t interested. And we only talked for a fricking hour!
Sadly, Ghosting is normal on these apps, and to be honest, there’s nothing you can do about it. Losing your cool is just going to get you blocked. Begging for answers makes you look desperate and unattractive. The best way to handle ghosting is to accept it. I know, It’s frustrating when you give your time to someone and they just disappear out of the blue, but at the end of the day, they’ve lost interest so it’s best to move on. Or if you need to release your anger, play Grand Theft Auto. Running over a hooker is more relaxing than it sounds.
Don’t dismiss an FWB
I know you want more than just sex, but sometimes people just aren’t ready for a relationship at the moment. Believe it or not, two of my relationships first started as an FWB. Why? Because a friends with benefits deal gives a stronger chance at getting to know someone.
However, pay close attention to the social cues when doing an FWB. For me, I got to know these girls outside of the bedroom. As the relationship became deeper, our meetings were more at the bar than in the bed. If the FWB is more than just a wham bam thank you ma’am then that’s usually a sign that someone might have more interest in you for something serious.
However, approach this as an FWB, nothing more. Even if these social cues are hit, it doesn’t guarantee that the person you’re banging is in love with you. Do be prepared for rejection if they’re not interested in pursuing something serious. Also, expect to be ghosted after you say “I love you”. Your FWB isn’t gonna deal with someone that has deep feelings for them, so it’s just best to cut it off altogether.
Don’t Knock “Hey” or “Sup”
So you got this great profile that talks about your likes, dislikes, and pics involving you wrestling a polar bear at the Arctic Ocean or sunbathing in Brazil, but all your potential love interest just shoots you is a “hey”. Frustrating, isn’t it? While it’s ideal that someone bounces off your likes or photos, it doesn’t always mean that you’ll get a terrible conversation with these openers.
Some of the best conversations I’ve had are from women who shot me a “Hey” or “How you doing?” despite my detailed profiles. If someone knows how to talk and they’re interested then the conversation will flow well. Don’t just dismiss someone because they don’t have an attention-grabbing opener.
Don’t spend too much time on one person
I don’t spend weeks and weeks “trying to get to know somebody”. If our conversation is fire and the vibe feels right then I’ll ask a girl out within a week. Sounds way too early, huh? Look, if we can go to clubs and bang the hot chick (or dude) that’s been grinding on you all night or instantly ask the McDonald’s cashier out after first sight then there’s nothing wrong looking for the first date quickly.
Texting back-and-forth doesn’t give off the social cues that this person may not be the one for you after all. Anyone can say the right words in 150 characters or less. You’ve seen catfish, right? One of the key mistakes is that many of those people spend months or even years talking to somebody before even going on a first date. Don’t be that fool. If the person feels it’s too fast then set something up with facetime or zoom. If they still refuse? Move on. Granted, life happens and it could be a simple “I’m too busy so I can’t meet this week” but if someone is truly interested then they’ll at least facetime you.
But hey, the person you’ve been texting back-and-forth for a month may not be wasting your time. It could be happily ever after. Though I will say shout “I told you so” if she decides that the Black Tom Cruise look-alike is a better fit.
